Never Enough
by snipershezz
Summary: It would never be enough to fix what he'd done. Sometimes loving someone didn't mean a damn thing, if the other person didn't feel the same.


**Characters:** Yondu Udonta, Kraglin Obfonteri

 **Relationships:** One-Sided - Yondu Udonta/Kraglin Obfonteri

 **Tags:** Major Character Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-Con, Dark, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Delusions, This Came From a Deep Dark Place, No Happiness Here, I'm SO Sorry, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, I Had a Super Bad Day, Can You Tell?, You Shouldn't Read This, Don't Read This, It's Horrible, Suicide, Death and Darkness, Depressing, Why Did I Do This to My Boys?, This Wouldn't Leave Me Alone, Just - I'M SORRY Ok?,

 **Summary:** It would never be enough to fix what he'd done. Sometimes loving someone didn't mean a damn thing, if the other person didn't feel the same.

 **Warnings:** Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con Elements.

 **A/N:** This is a follow on from jellybeanforest's 'A Grave Misunderstanding'. It's dark and has mentions of non-con and suicide so please don't read if this is something that's triggering for you. I was toying with the idea of not posting this because it's so far from what I usually write, but I decided that, yeah, I would. I - I had some issues the other that were all very real and I had to deal with it head on (not something I handle well). I couldn't get away from what was going on, so I retreated to my favourite place (my stories) and hashed this out, and I'm SO sorry. You shouldn't read this, it's - just awful, but I _needed_ to share this as, somehow, it helped me get through. To everyone who's ever commented on anything I've written, you are all greatest and your words always brighten my day 3 Also a big thanks to jellybeanforest because your story helped me deal, I don't know how (it seems silly) but reading it - knowing things could be a lot worse in my life than they are now - it helped, so _thank you_. Anyway, everything's much better now – it's not perfect – but I know it's going to be ok, so that makes everything much easier to process. I'm going to put up a super fluffy piece once I've finished it, so hopefully you'll all forgive me for this dreary mess and this mushy, slightly depressing, weird a/n lol

* * *

"It's over."

Kraglin looked up from the datapad in his hands, frowning. "What's over sir?"

Yondu eyes were fiery and determined. "Quill's old enough ta take care o' hisself now. So this arrangement? It's done."

Kraglin had a terrible sense of foreboding. "Not sure I understand Cap'n."

"Yer gunna make me say it? Fine. Ya fuckin' me in exchange fer protectin' tha boy. He's grown so it ain't happenin' no more."

Kraglin blinked, processing the words. He couldn't explain the feeling of dread, of utter horror that came over him. Bile hit the back of his throat and he choked. "Is that – is that what our relationship is to you?"

Yondu laughed bitterly, " _Relationship_? Boy, when ya came ta me wit' that proposition years ago I knew what it meant, don't pretend it's somement it ain't."

Kraglin's eyes filled with tears.

He _loved_ Yondu with everything in him.

All this time – all these years – he'd been – he thought – God, this was all his fault.

It was clear to him now.

So _crystal fucking clear_.

He couldn't stand to look at his captain anymore, knowing what he'd done, what he _was_.

 _A fucking monster._

He turned on his heel and left the room, hearing Yondu's snort of disgust that followed his retreating back.

* * *

The letter wasn't easy. His hand shook, and he could barely see but he managed it. He poured out his heart onto the pages, but it wasn't enough.

It would _never_ be enough.

He slipped it under the captain's door with shaking fingers, determination set in his veins.

What he was about to do would never fix it. He could never fix years and years of abuse. He could never make it right with words. If he'd been smarter, not so blinded by his own emotions then maybe – maybe he could of done something different, fixed it somehow.

But life wasn't built on maybes. It was built on reality. A reality that had crumbled around him into something viscous and dark.

The red button shouldn't have been so easy to press but at least, he thought as the air left his lungs and his fingers became numb, Yondu wouldn't have to look at the man who raped him for ten years anymore.

* * *

Yondu picked up the paper curiously and opened it. It was penned in Kraglin's messy scrawl and he almost threw it down in disgust.

Something stopped him, and he began to read the words.

His eyes widened, and he sat heavily on his bed.

Fuck.

 _Oh fuck._

He dropped the letter, shooting up and racing out the door.

If he'd have been faster, he could've made it. He could've smashed his hand on that button and prevented it.

Instead all he could do was slam his hands against the glass as he watched Kraglin get sucked out into the black.


End file.
